The Feelings They Kept
by islashlove
Summary: Death of Merle Dixon and thoughts and confessions of 'not so' brotherly love between Daryl and Merle and hints towards Daryl's and Rick's relationship. If you don't like it, don't read it. Merle is bitten when he and Daryl are attacked by walkers. While he waits for his death, Merle makes a surprise confession to Daryl. This story has been requested by zombieslayer5.
1. Merle's Confession

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that is from The Walking Dead. **

**Beta:**** Yes, I would like to say thank you to my Beta jerseybelle**

**Warning:**** Death of Merle Dixon and thoughts and confessions of 'not so' brotherly love between Daryl and Merle and hints towards Daryl's and Rick's relationship. If you don't like it, don't read it. **

**There will be violence and comments like in the show. **

**Author's Notes:**** This story has been requested by zombieslayer5. This story contains one sided incest thoughts and confessions. First chapter is from Merle and the second chapter will be from Daryl's POV.**

**This is an OOC, a Non Cannon and an Alternative Universe Story.**

**Story Notes:**** Merle is bitten when he and Daryl are attacked by walkers. While he waits for his death, Merle makes a surprise confession to Daryl.**

**The Feelings They Kept:**** By islashlove**

**Chapter 1:**** Merle's Confession**

"Daryl," Merle shouted out just as one of the walkers lunged at his baby brother.

But Daryl had already seen it and was already plunging a knife into its brain. When Daryl turned around to look at him, Merle could feel the unwanted feelings that he had for his younger brother swelling up inside of him.

He had a lot of feelings for Daryl, but feelings weren't the Dixon's way and they definitely didn't show them. Right now, he was proud of Daryl. Proud of how Daryl had grown so much while they had been apart. He was proud that Daryl had chosen him over that group, but he would never tell him that.

But now they were trying to get back there. Back to the group that had left him behind, yet had looked after and made Daryl one of their own. And although Merle didn't understand it, he was even proud of Daryl for doing something no Dixon would ever do, get accepted as a trusted, respected and important part of a group that wasn't blood.

As they made their way into the prison Merle failed to see the danger looming over him until it was too late. He turned to stab the walker, but it had managed to get him. Hearing Daryl calling his name, Merle hid the bite and continued on.

When Daryl asked about it, he lied. Why worry Daryl about a little bite when he needed to concentrate on the task ahead. They went in and to his surprise; Daryl was welcomed back with open arms.

Now jealously was rising in his heart. He wasn't jealous because of Daryl's open arms welcome, well, it wasn't just that, but Merle was jealous about the way Daryl looked at the copper and the way he looked back at Daryl. How he wished Daryl would have once looked at him that way, but it was wrong. Those feelings were wrong to have for another man and were certainly wrong to have for your baby brother.

But Merle couldn't help it; he had loved Daryl from the day he was born. At first it was just the brotherly love all brothers have for the other. The feelings of wanting to protect and teach Daryl the ways of life, it was natural.

But when Daryl was fifteen, his feelings for Daryl changed. Well, not changed as such, rather…defined them and he finally understood what they meant. What the strange dreams of him holding a naked Daryl close to him meant and why he wanted so badly to kiss those lips, which rarely had words pass them. Yes, Merle was a little slow, but once he realised that he was in love with his brother, he knew he had to fight the urges, fight himself and teach Daryl to trust no one, not even him.

But right now, Merle needed to push those feelings back down and deal with the task at hand. That is to fight beside these people he hated, against the Governor who had saved his life and the walkers that will take way everything and everyone he did care about.

The fight was hard and the toll on them all, even harder. Now in the aftermath, Merle sits down. It is now that he remembers the bite as the spot starts to throb and Merle looks towards his brother and regret starts to rise up inside of him.

Regret about how he had treated Daryl as a child. Regret about telling Daryl that love and feelings were wrong and that they would only make him weak and regret that he never, not once, told Daryl that he loved him. Not as he was in love with him, but just that he loved him as a brother.

He watched as Rick came up to him. Rick apologised for not letting Daryl bring him back the first time and then Rick did something he never thought he would hear him do. Rick apologised for handcuffing him to the roof and for leaving him there. He then thanked Merle for all of his help.

And to Merle's shocked expression, he apologised to Rick for his behaviour on the roof top when they first meet and that he had the right to do what he did. Holding out his hand, he was surprised that Rick took it and accepted his apology. Merle then went around and shook hands and apologised to everyone else for his behaviour. When he finished, he returned to a shocked Daryl and for the first time in his life. Merle told Daryl that he loved him.

Merle wasn't surprised that Daryl realised straight away that something was wrong. After all, Merle Dixon doesn't apologise to anyone, let alone tell Daryl he loves him. Merle didn't fight as Daryl dragged him into a nearby cell and he didn't resist, like he would normally, as Daryl ran his rough hands over his body.

Merle knew he was a walking dead man, sorry, a living, walking dead man and he had the right to have this one little pleasure, no matter how wrong it was. He could feel every touch and longed for more, for more of what he knew he could never have. Not just because Daryl was his brother, but he knew Daryl would never think of him that way.

It didn't take Daryl long to find the bite and to work out what it meant. Daryl called Rick to the cell and although they kept their voices low, Merle knew what they were talking about. He watched as Rick closed and locked the door, but Daryl was on the wrong side. Daryl was still in the cell with him.

He tried to get Daryl to call Rick back. Too get him out of the cell, but Daryl wouldn't move on the topic. Instead, Daryl moved closer to Merle and sat down beside him.

As the fever took over, Daryl held Merle close. He sang, in his rough and off key voice, a song that their mother had sang to them when they were kids. Looking up in Daryl's eyes, Merle made his last confession with his dying breath.

"Daryl, I'm sorry for everything I did to you over the years and, Daryl, I didn't just love you. My dear brother, I was 'IN' love with you and I just wished I could have kissed your lovely lips." Daryl lean down and granted his brother's dying wish and with that, Merle was gone.

**Thank you for reading and for reviewing my story.**


	2. Daryl's Feelings

**Story Notes:**** As Daryl waits for Merle to turn, he reflects on his feelings for Merle.**

**Chapter 2:**** Daryl's Feelings**

Daryl squatted near the door of the cell. He stared at his brother's dead body. The others would say that he should put the knife through Merle's head now, before he turned. But it was now, right at this moment, he understood why Andrea waited for her sister to turn. Because once she had turned, she was no longer Amy, she was a walker and it made it easier to kill a walker than your sister and in Daryl's place, his brother.

No, Merle was more than his brother. Merle was his father, his mother, his teacher and protector. Merle was Daryl's world is so many ways.

From the day he was born, Merle had always been there, teaching him the ways of the world and he taught him that feelings were wrong for they made you weak and allowed others to take advantage of you. Merle was there protecting him from their father's fists and he was there when their mother died. Hell, Merle was still there when the world ended.

Merle! Merle was the one constant in Daryl's world, so there wasn't any wonder that Merle became more to Daryl then just a big brother. Merle was Daryl's everything, so it wasn't any surprise to Daryl when he realised that he no longer looked up to Merle as a hero, but in fact he had fallen in love with him.

Oh, Daryl knew that he could never be with Merle the way he wanted to be. He was only thirteen when he realised that he liked boys over girls and he was fourteen when he realised that the boy he wanted to be with the most was Merle.

But he knew that Merle would never return his feelings and not just because they were brother's. Merle hated gays and feelings and he had sometimes believed that Merle hated feelings even more then gays.

So Daryl pushed the feelings down and got on with his life. But then the world decided to end and then he and Merle were pushed together. They were now sharing a tent and Merle was just an arm's reach away. But Daryl managed to keep his feelings in check.

That was until a certain Deputy Sheriff walked into the camp and said he had left Merle handcuffed to a roof in the middle of a city that was overrun by walkers.

That is was when he lost it, the feelings of love and hate all bubbled to the surface. They were feelings he needed to take out on Merle but he took it out on Rick instead.

When they had reached the roof top and Merle was gone, regret started to eat away at him. Daryl regretted that he had listened to Merle and never once said that he loved him, not even in the brotherly way and all he could see was that now Merle was gone. Dead? He didn't know. A walker? Again he wasn't sure. But in his mind he had lost everything.

But then there was Rick. He wasn't Merle; in fact he was the opposite. Where Merle hid his feelings Rick showed them. Where Merle only had one mood, anger, Rick showed that being kind and tender wasn't a weakness but instead could be used to your advantage.

So as the year went by, Merle and the love he had for him, never left Daryl's mind and he hoped that one day, maybe they would meet again. He just wasn't expecting it to be the way they did, or the fact that he would choose Merle over Rick and the group.

But in that year, Merle and he had changed. He had learnt that there was more to life than just surviving. There was friendship and duty and at that point in time, before he could disappear with Merle forever, he needed to go back to the prison, back to Rick and the group, in order to repay them for all they had done for him.

So when Merle went back with him, Daryl couldn't deny that he was a little surprised. As they made their way back into the prison, he saw Merle take out the walker, and in his heart he wanted to believe Merle's lie about not being bitten. Daryl also knew that there was nothing he could do for Merle now, but the others needed him, they needed them both.

After the fight, after it all had settled down, Merle started to act strange and Daryl knew his end was near, especially when Merle told him that he loved him. That was when he dragged, or rather led, Merle to a cell and laid him down.

Daryl felt the way Merle moved under his touch as he located the bite and he wished that they weren't brothers and this wasn't him trying to find Merle's death sentence, but it was him pleasing the love of his life. Once he found the bite, once he confirmed his fear, he knew he needed to lock Merle away, but he wasn't going to leave his side, no matter how much Merle kept telling him to get out. No, he wasn't going to let Merle have his way this time. He wasn't going to let him die alone.

Tears started to form in Daryl's eyes as he felt Merle's burning skin under his hands and when Merle started talking, he had to strain to hear him. After all, it sounded like Merle had just confessed that he was in love with him, just as he was in love with Merle.

Then Merle said the words Daryl had always wanted to hear, that Merle wanted to kiss him. So Daryl granted Merle his wish. He just wished it hadn't been his dying wish.

Daryl watched as the empty corpse that was once Merle started to stir. Getting up he placed one of his hands onto its chest and in the other hand, a knife. As dead eyes met Daryl's, Daryl said his final words to Merle.

"I was in love with you too, Merle; I was in love with you, too."

Daryl then ended the walker's life.

**The End**

**Thank you for reading and for reviewing my story.**


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